Do Not Hustle for Acceptance When We Are Meant to Belong

Brene Brown wrote in her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, “Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are, it requires us to be who we are.”

Acceptance versus Belonging: What is the difference?

In a society that often emphasizes the need to fit in, the concepts of acceptance and belonging are frequently misunderstood. While both are essential for our emotional well-being, they serve different purposes in shaping our relationships, self-perception, and overall sense of fulfillment. Understanding the difference between acceptance and belonging can help us cultivate deeper, more meaningful connections with ourselves and those around us.

What is Acceptance?

Acceptance is the action or process of being received as adequate or suitable, typically to be admitted into a group. It often involves meeting certain expectations or criteria that make one “fit” into a particular environment.

For example, someone might be accepted into a workplace or a social circle based on their skills, appearance, or ability to conform to group dynamics. However, this level of inclusion doesn’t necessarily mean they feel truly connected or valued for who they are at their core.

What is Belonging?

Belonging is the feeling of security and support without meeting a certain set of standards. It goes deeper than just fitting in. It is about being valued and embraced for who you truly are, without the need to conform or change to fit a mold. Belonging brings a deep sense of connection and security, where individuals feel seen, heard, and appreciated without fear of rejection.

Belonging occurs when we are able to show up without apologizing for who we are. It is knowing that our uniqueness is welcomed and celebrated. Whether it’s within a friendship, a family, or a community, a sense of belonging means that we don’t just fit in, we are a part of something greater than ourselves.

The Key Differences Between Acceptance and Belonging

1. Surface vs. Depth – Acceptance is often surface-level and based on external factors, whereas belonging is deeply rooted in emotional connection and mutual appreciation. Acceptance can be based on looks, money, social status, where belonging does not care about any of those things.

2. Conditional vs. Unconditional – Acceptance may be conditional, requiring us to adjust our behavior or beliefs, while belonging is unconditional and allows us to be our authentic selves.

3. Temporary vs. Lasting – Acceptance can be fleeting, as it depends on meeting certain expectations. Once you no longer meet those standards you are no longer accepted. Belonging, however, creates lasting relationships built on trust and genuine connection.

4. Toleration vs. Embrace – Being accepted means we are allowed in until we are no longer meeting the standards, but belonging means we are truly valued and embraced for who we are.

The Journey from Acceptance to Belonging

Many of us spend a significant part of our lives longing for acceptance, believing that it will bring us happiness. If you are accepted into the group, into a certain society standard, and you look and at the part.  However, true fulfillment comes from a sense of belonging. So, how do we shift from seeking acceptance to belonging?

1. Embrace Authenticity – Be yourself unapologetically. The more you embrace your true self, the more likely you are to find people and communities that genuinely appreciate you. Remove the masks that you wear and let your true self shine. Remember you are beautifully and divinely created,

2. Seek Meaningful Connections – Prioritize relationships that make you feel valued for who you are, rather than those that require you to meet a set standard. Only allow those that earn a vote to impact your life, others that do not hold votes should not impact your life.

3. Recognize Your Worth – Understand that you are worthy of belonging without needing to change who you are. Everyone is beautifully created with their own gifts and talents. If we were all the same, we would not have so much wonderful art, music, ideas, and thoughts. Wouldn’t the world be a boring place without the amazing things you are to offer?

Final Thoughts

While acceptance might offer temporary relief or validation, belonging is what truly nurtures the human soul. It’s not enough to simply be allowed into a space, we thrive when we feel deeply connected, valued, and understood. By prioritizing belonging over mere acceptance, we can love ourselves more for being authentic. We will feel fulfilled versus less than by constantly comparing ourselves to society standards. Do not hustle and sell yourself for approval or acceptance.